BREAKING: Tony Podesta Killed In US Marshal’s Custody

John Podesta’s brother, Tony, was being transported to Indiana to face charges of obstruction when the motorcade escorting him suddenly switched directions and sped to a nearby hospital. It was there that doctors tried feverishly to revive what they’re calling a “massive cardiac episode.”

According to Dr. Leroy R. Hubbard, Podesta most likely ingested a lethal dose of methamphetamine. The Marshals are currently searching through the crime scene to determine how the poison was administered:

“It looks like it may have been laced in his steak sandwich. We’ve already eliminated the bacon wrapped scallops, medium-rare tuna steak, loose meat hoagies asnd everything bagels with cream cheese.”

The company that delivered the steak sandwich has mysteriously vanished, leaving no leads as to who had Podesta murdered.

I think we all know.

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About Flagg Eagleton 98 Articles

Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.