BREAKING: Chuch Schumer And Nancy Pelosi Were Lovers For 25 Years

Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi have more than leadership of a failed caucus in common: they’ve also been sleeping together for the better part of 25 years. According to a personal aide who left Senator Schumer’s office after a contract dispute, the two have been meeting in the same hotel room under the same false names every Tuesday afternoon for more than two decades:

“They didn’ think anyone knew. I knew. It was my job to know. They could have been the greatest power couple of all time and instead they are leaders of a failed political party.”

The aide, who will remain nameless until her interview on Hannity later this week, says that she was let go after 22 years of dedicated service and a short affair with the senator herself:

“He’s very charming, Senator Schumer. Our fling was casual and never meant anything, but I always knew that it bothered Nancy. I was never afforded the courtesy of my own Christmas card. I was ‘and staff.'”

The bitterness created by corrupt Democrats will most certainly finish this sad party of fools in no time.

About Flagg Eagleton 136 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.