President Trump Just Saved Christmas For 13 Million Retirees

13 million people over the age of 65 are about to get letters from the IRS informing them that President Trump has declared them the recipients of a Christmas stimulus to offset the horrible performance of this year’s Black Friday. To qualify, you must be over 65, retired, receive social security and have an income under $40K per year.

The stimulus, part of the yearly discretionary budget to use at the discretion of the Chief Executive, is the remainder of the till for 2017. Each recipient will receive

The letter will also come with an offer to pledge support for President Trump, a requirement the Attorney General says is perfectly legal and patriotic, though not fully enforceable. White House Director of Information and Propaganda, Art Trubolls, says the fine-print is there for a reason:

“If you ask liberals to pledge support for the office of the President they’ll start burning down their own cities. Unless there’s a black man, a gay person or a woman in the Oval Office they’ll never be satisfied. They call Trump a racist but he’s vilified every day for being a white male. It’s hypocrisy at its finest.”

President Trump already enjoys the highest approval rating of any president of all time among seniors in this country. There’s a reason for that. With age comes wisdom. Just look at President Trump’s supporters. They’re as American as it gets.

The letters will be sent sometime this coming week. If you don’t get yours, call the White House switchboard at (202) 456-1414 and let them know.

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About Flagg Eagleton 115 Articles

Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.