Captain Johnston Willis, top aide and advisor to Admiral John Bertrand, has confirmed to a source at The Washington Sun-Times that President Trump has, in fact, made good on his promise to “take care of” North Korean madman Kim Jong Un. While the little fat man’s image continues to be shown all across North Korean television, Willis assures us that he is dead:
“The higher-ups in North Korea are scrambling because they don’t have a successor for their Supreme Leader. That will create a power vaccuum in the country that will most likely end with some general or despot in charge, creating even more of an international nightmare.”
Kim, who is said to have fallen from a single sniper’s bullet, was married to a much younger woman, but never had any children. It is unclear from the country’s bylaws as to who is actually in command. That’s pretty serious, considering they now have the capacity to strike at the US mainland.
It doesn’t look like the North Koreans will be admitting Kim is dead anytime soon, which is just fine with the Trump administration:
“As far as we’re concerned, Kim Jong Un is still in charge.”
Sometimes the best move is to allow a crumbling nation like North Korea to fall apart all on its own. Trump’s brave order to set this in motion will go down in history as one of the greatest decisions of all time.