Pentagon Insider Confirms: Kim Jong-Un Is Dead

TOPSHOT - Spectators listen to a television news brodcast of a statment by North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un, before a public television screen outside the central railway station in Pyongyang on September 22, 2017. US President Donald Trump is "mentally deranged" and will "pay dearly" for his threat to destroy North Korea, Kim Jong-Un said on September 22, as his foreign minister hinted the regime may explode a hydrogen bomb over the Pacific Ocean. / AFP PHOTO / Ed JONES (Photo credit should read ED JONES/AFP/Getty Images)

Captain Johnston Willis, top aide and advisor to Admiral John Bertrand, has confirmed to a source at The Washington Sun-Times that President Trump has, in fact, made good on his promise to “take care of” North Korean madman Kim Jong Un. While the little fat man’s image continues to be shown all across North Korean television, Willis assures us that he is dead:

“The higher-ups in North Korea are scrambling because they don’t have a successor for their Supreme Leader. That will create a power vaccuum in the country that will most likely end with some general or despot in charge, creating even more of an international nightmare.”

Kim, who is said to have fallen from a single sniper’s bullet, was married to a much younger woman, but never had any children. It is unclear from the country’s bylaws as to who is actually in command. That’s pretty serious, considering they now have the capacity to strike at the US mainland.

It doesn’t look like the North Koreans will be admitting Kim is dead anytime soon, which is just fine with the Trump administration:

“As far as we’re concerned, Kim Jong Un is still in charge.”

Sometimes the best move is to allow a crumbling nation like North Korea to fall apart all on its own. Trump’s brave order to set this in motion will go down in history as one of the greatest decisions of all time.


About Flagg Eagleton 136 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.