UPDATE: Barack Obama Won’t Press Charges Against Michelle For Domestic Abuse

Michelle Obama had herself a little fit of rage last night that woke the elite neighborhood surrounding their Washington, DC mansion. Michelle was so loud and so violent that the Secret Service almost ended up in a firefight with Metro PD. This morning, after having the night to cool off on a bench in a downtown police precinct, Michelle went home without being charged.

The DC Metro Police say they have no comment as no actual arrest was made and no report was filed. The neighbors now say it was nothing more than a family squabble. Our source on the scene last night told us that Obama had to get between armed Secret Service agents and angry police and that he was “bleeding pretty steadily” from a couple of wounds. Michelle was allegedly brought kicking and screaming to a waiting cruiser.

Desk Sergeant Keith Miller told us that in the case of domestic abuse there is often nothing they can do. Under DC statutes, the victim has to be willing to be helped. He hinted that in these cases involving “high profile” people, they often just need to seek some therapy.

Regardless, this just confirms that Obama is a wimp and that his wife runs the show.

About Flagg Eagleton 142 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.